Vincent D'Onofrio

Will the first person to own a Vincent D'Onofrio license plate frame please step forward. Not so fast everyone but this guy.....

Eagle Eye

The movie "Eagle Eye" is "2001: A Space Odyssey" meets "Enemy of the State" meets "Flight of the Navigator" meets "The Commish".

It turns out if you build a super duper all-knowing computer, the language it speaks is PLOT EXPOSITION!

Is Sam Rubin Kidding?

Thumbing through the newspaper a couple of days ago, I came across this little advertisement:

If you look closely, you'll see the quote was written by Sam Rubin, of KTLA News. Is the joke on me? Is he kidding? A google search of "Sam Rubin KTLA" reveals an incident in 2008 in which he was fired as an April Fools joke. Maybe this guy has a good sense of humor? His April 14th KTLA blog entry sounded really sketchy (Title: "Too much body, not enough mud" -- Sam's somewhat sexy spa vacation), but was actually kind of funny. A couple quick excerpts:

My wife and I are celebrating our anniversary; (I know it is an anniversary because she presented me a card with the touching phrase; 'I love you...so deal with it')

And then, in reference to the relaxation of the zero gravity chairs and smooth music of the spa vacation, Sam relays this funny tale:

Later, we went to phase three of this process; which involved reclining in individual zero gravity chairs while we listened to bizarre music and felt the vibrations of the music through the chairs. Oddly enough, I found this especially relaxing and was about to doze off, when my wife somewhat interrupted the flow of the process by announcing; "When was the last time we went to the Bombay Cafe on Pico? We never go out for Indian food."

I like this account for two reasons. One, the comic timing. And two, because I've seen the Bombay Cafe on Pico and wondered about it before. It's over there by Don Antonio's and the Arsenal Bar.

Where am I going with all this? Basically I want to know if Sam Rubin really thought Hannah Montana the Movie was "So Far, By Far, THE BEST MOVIE OF THE YEAR" or if he was kidding. I've sent him an email through the KTLA website and will now wait to hear back.

Stay tuned!

It's Raining Minh

This Parking Gate REALLY HATES Trucks!

I Respect This Younger Version of Me

I don't remember this period of my life being one of extraordinary confidence or genius. However, coming across this picture recently made me wonder if it wasn't absolutely the climax of my self expression. Completely radical.

The Cig Zone

In a minefield of economic crisis, this stable bastion holds its ground.

Hello Dolly.....You Rascal

ERRRRRRRRRR..............

That red-headed doctor on ER who I remember as a little kid from a made for TV Christmas movie where Mickey Rooney dies a nice grandpa and comes back an inspiring one, just asked an Eva Longoria-looking doctor to marry him. SPOILER ALERT! IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW THAT SHE SAID YES, DON'T READ THIS SENTENCE. BUT IF YOU DO WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS IN THE MICKEY ROONEY MOVIE, DO READ THIS:

Mickey Rooney plays Mike Halligan, a retired cop from Manhattan living in California with his family who decides to show his grandson, who has never seen snow before, what a real white Christmas in New York is like. But he dies from a sudden heart attack in which Halligan makes a deal with the Archangel of Heaven to return to Earth for a week until Christmas and show his grandson the seasonal glories of New York City. (IMDB plot summary)

As you can see, the title was "It Came Upon The Midnight Clear." Am I wrong or is that supposed to be "It Came Upon A Midnight Clear"? Was there some kind of song copyright loophole for using "the" instead of "a." I've said it before and I'll say it again, articles run Hollywood. They combine with nouns to indicate all kinds of stuff, and sometimes may specify the volume or numerical scope of that reference. The worst part is that they get 10% of the box office take home! I've also heard they hoard all their gold in the center of the earth and invented bagels.

It should be noted that the aforementioned red-head (Scott Grimes) was great as Sergeant Malarkey in "Band of Brothers" and that my friend Dom and I used to spend delightful Saturdays eating huge sandwiches from Rinaldi's in El Segundo and watching those DVD's. Here's the breakdown of that:

+ =

Okay, recap. If you like bad TV, ER is really starting to heat up. And if you like it hot, try the Spicy Chevy Andy sandwich at Rinaldi's. And if you like nice friends, check out my friend Dom.

Zit Headache

I get zits as much the next guy, but it's rare to be awakened by one. This thing crept into my sacred sleep and called out for attention. Are you kidding me, zit? Isn't that a little selfish? As if having you on my face isn't already a bum deal? Now you want to give me a headache? I don't keep up on the latest dermatological trends, so I really don't know - is this your new thing? Are you and your friends like "We're doing this now"? If so, I'm not going to be happy. Here's a picture of me with my zit headache, not being happy.
If any zits are following this blog, please....be reasonable. We've accepted you as unsightly and embarrassing. Don't be something that requires Advil. Stick to your original mission statement - replacing confidence with misery and socially awkward behavior. If you at least remain true to this, we can continue fighting a conventional war. Yes, drying my face off with Accutane in 9th grade was meant as a direct attack upon your existence, as well as that of a mean-spirited guy named Mario who said "Hey Doolittle.....Oxycute 'em" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DvDgcXhpVls) one day in the school library. (Uncalled for, Mario)
I admit it, zit. I want you dead. But I'm supposed to want you dead, and you're supposed to want my oily pores. Right? Stick to that. Don't get into the headache game. Here's a picture of what I would've looked like if you had just been a zit.
See? Much better. Even my hairline seems a little lower. That's all I'm asking. Know your place, zit. You can stay in the misery market without causing physical pain.

P.S. I've forgiven you, Mario.
P.P.S. Not really.

This Is Off The Record, And You Can Quote Me On That

Crossing START A BLOG off my to do list was an attack against procrastination, a powerful agent in the world of writing. As one friend put it, "I don't know any writers who like to write. They like having written." Furthermore, the use of quotation marks (QM's) here is quite a liberal one, being as I was paraphrasing from memory. Let's face it, Q's are better. I worked as a journalist for a small Southern California newspaper over the course of a year, and for extra money I decided to write a pointless opinion piece that my editor neither requested nor necessarily wanted, about the Happy Holidays sign the city hung from the lamp posts on Main Street. In an attempt at secret sarcasm, I wrote that several citizens about town appreciated the cultural sensitivity of Happy Holidays rather than Merry Christmas. I made up Q's and asked friends if they wouldn't mind having said them. None of them minded. So, in a way, it seemed to me, the Q's were okay. I mean.....kind of.....right? (probably not) The article led to weeks of letters to the editor from concerned Jewish scholars to angry Christmas celebrators battling cultural sensitivity vs. meat and potatoes American customs. It was the most attention any of my articles ever received, and by "the most," I mean to say "the only." (More QM's!!)

I realize my QM's justification wouldn't be good enough for Edward R. Murrow or George Clooney, but I like it for this blog because without making a few things up, how can I write about hiking without having to hike? I guess I could keep describing Malibu Creek State Park. How many entries would that fill?

Hey, M*A*S*H got eleven seasons out of it.

Malibu Creek State Park

In 1974, the 20th Century Fox Film Ranch was combined with land owned by Ronald Reagan and Bob Hope to create 4,000-acre Malibu Creek State Park (www.ehow.com).

So now, if you're willing to drive 25 miles west of downtown Los Angeles to Malibu, you can pay $10 to get out of your car and walk for a long time. You can even see where they used to film the T.V. show "M*A*S*H." Hotlips Houlihan here we come! (*Note: Radar was my favorite)

Finally, a chance to clear your head. It feels so good to get out of the city and be real. Treat yourself. You deserve it. Go with like-minded friends who have similar belief systems and comparable levels of attractiveness. Talk about how none of you like living in L.A. and desperately want to move to Oregon. (YOU, TOO?!!) Daily rainfall trumps this sunny, beachfront hell hole. And have you ever been to New York? I've heard people there talk about important things and celebrities can walk around without being bothered.

Malibu Creek State Park: Follow your trail to happiness.

http://www.parks.ca.gov/?page_id=614