I walked out of Avatar twice in one showing. Once to get popcorn and kill time, and then to flee before the predictable conclusion. I hadn't been that frustrated since the third ending of the third Lord of The Rings movie. (See: Elijah Woods inexplicably having to sail away on the Mayflower). At least with LOTR we only had to suffer through a Trilogy and ten to twenty re-release DVDs. Avatar has brought with it something much more sinister and lasting - a brand new technology that's already existed for a really long time. The hype is out of control and pointless, much like shrimp tempura, and Apple's new THE IPAD.
My first experience with 3D was a good one...and about 20 years ago. It was Michael Jackson's Captain EO, directed by Francis Ford Coppola, and it was fantastic. It starred MJ, Hooter, and that evil lady who may or may not have been in the movie Boomerang. I can remember being satisfied by the amazing 3D effects. Been there, appreciated it, done that. So imagine my surprise when Avatar wafted its way into my nasal comfort zone. Not only was 3D back, it was new. A brilliant new idea. Movie studios scrambled to find magic wands to turn their 2D flops into 3D hits. I began hearing about TV's at home becoming 3D capable. I read a news report that google was offering a 3D application. "Great," I thought, "Now even my email address will have a better script than Avatar." (Zing!)
Just about the time Avatar was busy losing Oscars, nerd boners were erecting over this new device Apple put out - THE IPAD. The hype machine was raging...against the machine. This thing, this THE IPAD, promised to blow the cotton out of Steve Jobs' black mock turtleneck. I saw a review stating that reading books on THE IPAD was better than reading actual books. THE IPAD was apparently more impressive than landing on the moon, despite the fact that it mostly did things that other things already did. For weeks the hype to usefulness ratio rattled around my can. And then one day it hit me - THE IPAD is Avatar. I'm supposed to want it. I'm supposed to love it. I'm supposed to trend towards it. I'm supposed to say "finally, someone is listening." The problem is, I've already been listening...to my THE IPOD and despite the fact that it broke last week, I love it. I do need it. I don't have a THE IPHONE but the usefulness is easy to recognize. However, THE IPAD? Sorry. Don't see it.
I recently read that Disneyland was bringing Captain EO back. My first thought was of fond nostalgia for my childhood. Perhaps, it seemed, the death of Michael Jackson drew some demand for the once popular show. But in the back of my mind I can't shake the worry that somehow, in some board room, some Disney Executive was watching Avatar on his THE IPAD and thought "Hey, Captain EO is 3D, too!"
My first experience with 3D was a good one...and about 20 years ago. It was Michael Jackson's Captain EO, directed by Francis Ford Coppola, and it was fantastic. It starred MJ, Hooter, and that evil lady who may or may not have been in the movie Boomerang. I can remember being satisfied by the amazing 3D effects. Been there, appreciated it, done that. So imagine my surprise when Avatar wafted its way into my nasal comfort zone. Not only was 3D back, it was new. A brilliant new idea. Movie studios scrambled to find magic wands to turn their 2D flops into 3D hits. I began hearing about TV's at home becoming 3D capable. I read a news report that google was offering a 3D application. "Great," I thought, "Now even my email address will have a better script than Avatar." (Zing!)
Just about the time Avatar was busy losing Oscars, nerd boners were erecting over this new device Apple put out - THE IPAD. The hype machine was raging...against the machine. This thing, this THE IPAD, promised to blow the cotton out of Steve Jobs' black mock turtleneck. I saw a review stating that reading books on THE IPAD was better than reading actual books. THE IPAD was apparently more impressive than landing on the moon, despite the fact that it mostly did things that other things already did. For weeks the hype to usefulness ratio rattled around my can. And then one day it hit me - THE IPAD is Avatar. I'm supposed to want it. I'm supposed to love it. I'm supposed to trend towards it. I'm supposed to say "finally, someone is listening." The problem is, I've already been listening...to my THE IPOD and despite the fact that it broke last week, I love it. I do need it. I don't have a THE IPHONE but the usefulness is easy to recognize. However, THE IPAD? Sorry. Don't see it.
I recently read that Disneyland was bringing Captain EO back. My first thought was of fond nostalgia for my childhood. Perhaps, it seemed, the death of Michael Jackson drew some demand for the once popular show. But in the back of my mind I can't shake the worry that somehow, in some board room, some Disney Executive was watching Avatar on his THE IPAD and thought "Hey, Captain EO is 3D, too!"
"Great," I thought, "Now even my email address will have a better script than Avatar." (Zing!)
ReplyDeletehahaha! That line killed me. I still can't figure out how they could spend a jillion dollars on that movie and not spring for a typeface other than Papyrus.
and... I'm a moron. You were probably talking about the actual script, not the typeface. Regardless, Avatar is terrible.
ReplyDelete